Mind Games
by Temperance
Summary: Slash. Set at the beginning of the fifth season. Everything is different and Wes finds out something he's not supposed to. Hilarity ensues... that's my written sarcasm.


Mind Games

****

Author: Temperance

****

Rating: Hmm... let's give it a TV-14 rating. What would that be in movies?

****

Spoilers: Seasons one, two, three, and four. But not five. I wrote this before I saw the season opener and OMG was it good!

****

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah. Not mine, but you already know that huh? 

****

A/N: OMG, Joss and everybody who does the whole Angel the series thingy. You totally need to throw Angel and Wes together, or maybe Wes and Gunn, but my primary desire is some Angel/Wes lovin'. So give it up! You totally had the perfect opportunity with the whole 'memory change-aroo' thing. Get with the slash lovin' will yah? Sheesh. Anyway, on with it!

***********************

"Angel," Wesley said into the phone, "yes, it's Wesley. Listen Angel I need to speak with you immediately... Angel, please."

Wesley nodded twice foolishly because Angel couldn't see him and hung up the phone. He walked over to the kitchen where the cradle for the phone is but paused to stare at the table.

He thought back to his and Angel's first year anniversary. Angel had cooked chicken for him and lit candles and it was all planned and perfect. They had both dressed up but it was all for nothing when Wesley walked out of his room in his best suit. All Wesley had wanted was for Angel to be impressed with how good looking he could still be. He had gotten so much more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

Angel stared at Wes, mouth agape, and dropped the pan he was holding. Wes went to help Angel pick it up but Angel grabbed him around the waist and pulled Wes against him. Angel kissed Wesley and began loosening his tie.

"Angel," Wesley breathed in between kisses. "What about dinner, Angel? You worked so hard on it." 

"Forget it," Angel said against his lips.

Wesley started grinding his hips against Angels' and began unbuttoning his shirt. They stumbled backwards until Wesley's thighs hit the back of the table. Angel reached behind Wes and threw everything off of the table and to the floor with a loud clatter. Wesley leaned back against the table and pulled Angel down on top of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They made love on that table and on the floor, and the counters. They had done so on many occasions. But that could actually be a lie.

Wesley threw the phone across the room where it crashed into the wall and broke into at least three pieces. He put his head in his hands and then ran his fingers through his hair.

"Everything's a lie," Wesley said aloud.

He turned his back on the kitchen and looked into the front room. Wesley looked at the couch; he and Angel had sat there just three nights ago. That was the first time that Wesley had really thought something was... off. Angel had come over, like always, and they were watching an old movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel sat at the opposite end of the couch from Wes but Wes ignored this and started the movie then snuggled up against Angel. Angel seemed to not know what to do about this but finally decided to put his arm around Wes while Wes put his head on Angel's shoulder.

They were watching an old movie that was sweet and kind of sexy. It was sexy because Wesley was so close to Angel and he hadn't been "close" to Angel in almost three months. 

Wes sat up and kissed Angel passionately on the lips. Angel just sort of froze, he didn't kiss Wesley back and his entire body sort of tensed and went rigid. Wes pulled back and looked at Angel, searching his eyes for an explanation. But there wasn't one to be found.

"Angel?" Wes asked.

"Wes," Angel said tightly.

"Did I... is something wrong?"

"No," Angel replied quickly, "no Wes. You just, it just... I wasn't ready, you know, before. But, but I am now, um, if you are."

Wes looked skeptical but leaned in and kissed Angel again. Angel responded to Wesley's kiss slowly but when Wes ran his tongue over Angel's lips he parted them quickly. Wesley brought his hand up to cradle Angel's head.

This all sat oddly with Wes because he wasn't usually the aggressive one in their relationship. Angel was usually the one to make the first move. But Wesley ignored the part of his brain screaming something was wrong when Angel's hand slid up his back to gently cradle the back of Wesley's head.

Wesley slipped quickly into Angel's lap straddling his hips. Angel stood up simultaneously dumping Wesley onto the couch again. Standing Angel looked even more uncomfortable, if it were at all possible.

"What's wrong, Angel?" Wes asked pleadingly.

"Nothing, nothing... I just, I need to take things slowly, Wes. Okay, please?" Angel asked.

Wes nodded even though he had no idea what Angel was really saying. Angel made a vague noise of thanks and grabbed his jacket before tearing out the door leaving Wesley alone and confused.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wes stomped past the couch and over to his liquor cabinet. He pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. He filled the cup and guzzled it down then filled the glass again, drank it down, then filled the cup again. Wes turned and walked towards the balcony, he paused and looked into his bedroom.

How many times had Angel taken him in there? How many times had he told Angel that he loved him and vise versa? Wesley couldn't even begin to try and count. The last time had been three months ago. He and Angel had gone out with the gang for a night out. They had been so anxious to get back to Wesley's apartment they had nearly gone at it in the hall. They had made it to the bedroom at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

Wesley sat on the bed while Angel stood in front of him. Angel grabbed hold of Wesley's collar and ripped his shirt open letting the buttons fall over the bed and onto the floor. Angel kissed Wesley as he pushed Wesley's shirt off of his shoulders. Wesley ran his fingers down Angel's chest until he reached the hem of his shirt then pulled it up over Angel's head and then threw it away from them.

Angel bent down and began to lick, kiss, and bite Wesley's chest playfully while unbuckling his pants. Angel licked Wes's nipple, Wes gasped, and Angel smiled then captured Wes's mouth with his own in a searing kiss.

Angel pulled off both Wesley's pants and boxers at once while Wesley raised off of the bed to help. Wesley began unbuttoning Angel's pants. Angel reached in between them and ran one finger down Wesley's length. Wesley moaned and pushed Angel's pants and boxers to the floor. Wes leaned back and Angel crawled onto the bed on top of him.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Wes," Angel said nipping at Wes's lips.

"Angel," Wesley whined.

"I wanna hear you say it, Wes. Tell me what you want me to do."

"Angel please."

"Tell me," Angel said. Angel slipped a finger into his mouth quickly coating it with saliva before slipping it inside Wes. "Tell me, Wesley. Tell me what you want me to do."

Angel began moving his finger inside of Wes before adding another. Wesley moaned loudly squirming underneath him.

"What was that Wes?"

"Fuck me Angel. Please, fuck me hard," Wes begged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wes held up his glass of whiskey in cheers to his room, took a large swallow, and moved out to the porch. He looked around him. He'd given Angel who knew how many blowjobs out here. He'd gladly gotten on his knees for Angel and swallowed everything Angel had given him.

"Or maybe I hadn't," Wesley said softly.

He tipped the glass back and drank the entire contents. Once the glass was finished he dropped it over the edge. He felt oddly satisfied at hearing it crash on the ground. Wesley smiled triumphantly before turning and walking back into his apartment and right to the liquor cabinet. He pulled out a second glass and filled it with whiskey then drained it before deciding that maybe getting plastered wasn't the best thing to do. Wes closed his eyes and held onto the cabinet. When he opened his eyes Angel was standing by the door smiling cheerfully at Wes. Wesley grimaced.

"Wes," Angel said, "you called and here I am."

"Yes," Wesley said flatly. "Here. You. Are."

"Yes," Angel said. Angel walked into the room closer to Wes.

"So, Angel, if that is in fact your name," Wes slurred.

Angel chuckled and Wes picked up the bottle of whiskey and took a long gulp.

"Wes, are you drunk?" Angel asked with a laugh.

"I am drinking," Wesley said disdainfully.

"I see," Angel said and began to shift and look around nervously. "So why did you call me over?"

"I found out something rather... interesting today." Wesley said.

"Oh yeah," Angel said.

"Yes," Wesley said and walked forward until he was only inches in front of Angel. Angel looked uncomfortable and flinched as if he wanted to take a step back but stood his ground.

"Look, Wes-"

"Connor," Wesley said.

Angel stopped talking and looked up at Wesley stone faced.

"What did you just say?" Angel whispered.

"Conn-"

Angel grabbed Wesley by his shirt collar and threw him up against the wall holding him by the throat. Wesley dropped the bottle of whiskey and it began to spill out onto the carpet.

"You don't get to say his name," Angel warned, his eyes flashing gold.

"Who... is... he?" Wesley asked gasping for breath.

Angel let go of Wesley who immediately started coughing and holding his throat.

"Let this go Wesley," Angel said quietly.

Wes straightened up, stopped coughing, and looked Angel in the eye.

"What did you do?" Wesley asked even though he already knew the answer. "How much of my memory did you change? How much of everyone's memory? Which memories are mine and which did you make up?"

"You don't know what you're asking Wes, let it go."

"How far back do the false memories go?!"

"Almost three years," Angel whispered.

"The entire time I've known you?" Wesley asked falling back against the wall. "Did I even know you? Did you just see me on the street one day after Sunnydale and think 'hey-"

"I didn't ask for this! I didn't say to them, 'hey! Why don't you make Wesley fall in love with me.' Do you think I wanted this, Wes?" Angel screamed gesturing wildly around him.

"What was so wrong before that you had to do this?" Wes asked quietly.

"Leave it alone, Wes. I didn't go back and ask them to change this, this thing that happened to us, after I found out about it. I thought that since you seemed so happy that maybe I could be happy too. Let it go, just be happy."

Wesley tried not to let how much Angel's words hurt him show on his face. Every word was like a sword through his heart.

"What," Wesley cleared his throat trying to relieve the tightness, "what went wrong with the memory rewrite? Why did... 'this' happen?"

"The Mystics," Angel rolled his eyes, "said that I asked them to pull one too many threads in the tapestry of our lives and I changed the picture 'drastically'."

"You don't love me," Wesley stated. Angel didn't even try to deny it and Wesley bit his tongue to keep from screaming. "You don't even like me."

"That's not true," Angel said defensively. "It was just never like this. Never... with the cuddling and kissing and-"

"The fucking?" Wesley offered.

Angel paled, which is vampire for blushing, and looked down at his hands.

"We've never, I mean you and I have never, if we did now it would hurt because it has never happened before." Angel said nervously.

Wesley laughed and Angel looked up at him. "That's a little conceited, don't you think?" Wesley asked.

Angel stuttered a response and Wesley turned back to the liquor cabinet. He took out a bottle of scotch and poured himself a glass full.

"You said you only changed about three years of my memory. I took that to be the last three, the ones in L.A., am I correct?" Wesley turned around and Angel nodded. "Well, I remember having lovers of the male persuasion up until you and I became an 'official' couple. So one can only assume that before you altered my memory I had other lovers even after our **_fake_** relationship began."

"Okay," Angel said, "that's... news and also, ouch, that kind of hurt."

"As if you really care," Wesley snapped, "I'm just one of Buffy's watchers you decided to mess with-"

"I already told you that it wasn't like that," Angel contested.

"Wait, I'm sorry, who's Connor?"

Angel knocked the glass out of Wesley's hand and threw him against the far wall.

"I told you not to say his name," Angel growled.

Wesley picked himself up slowly off of the ground and mock brushed himself off.

"Love you too, dear," Wesley sarcastically.

Before Wes had time to register it Angel was moving. Angel leapt over to him and held him up off the floor by his neck. Wesley uselessly put his hand over Angels' as if he could make him stop.

"This feels about the way it should have been by now, no, actually you would have been dead already. It was a temporary truce after all, we both understood that." Wesley made vague choking noises. "You stole my son, Wes. Did you **_actually_** think I'd forgive you?"

Wesley took his hand and ran it smoothly down the side of Angel's face. Angel let go of him and Wes fell unceremoniously to the ground on all fours where he began choking again. Angel traced a hand lightly over the place 

Wesley just touched him and slid down the wall to sit next to Wesley.

"You have a son?" Wesley whispered hoarsely.

Angel sighed and rolled his eyes. "Had, Wes, I had."

"I stole him?" Wes asked. He sat back next to Angel and looked over at him.

"Yes," Angel replied coarsely, "but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"If it still matters to you then it matters to me," Wesley said and Angel turned to look at him, "because I love you."

"I..." Angel began, "know you do."

Angel climbed to his feet and held out a hand to Wesley. Wesley took his hand and let Angel pull him to his feet. They stood, still holding hands, a breath away, so close that Wes could feel his breath bounce off of Angel's face.

"I'm sorry," Angel said quickly, "for hurting you. You know, throwing you around and... spilling your drinks all over."

Wesley nodded. "I'm sorry as well," Wesley said. Angel's brow creased in confusion. "For the whole stealing your son-"

"Wes," Angel whimpered. Angel closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Wesley's. "Please, please let this all go."

"I am your faithful servant," Wes deadpanned.

"Wes," Angel breathed and pulled away from him.

"You lied to us, Angel. You lied to **_me_**." Wes said sadly.

"That doesn't mean as much as you think it does," Angel said.

"It **_didn't_**, past tense, mean as much as I think it does. But it does now, Angel! God, you don't..." Wesley trailed off and his face became slack with understanding. "You don't remember anything that I do, do you? You don't remember our first date or our one year anniversary or," Wes gestured around him, "anything else."

"Kiss me, Wes," Angel said suddenly. "I came over because I thought we were going to, uh-"

""No you didn't! When you thought that was what I wanted you nearly ran away! Change me back Angel! I don't want 'this' anymore!"

Angel stepped forward forcing Wesley back against the wall and pressed himself against Wesley. Wesley's breath came in ragged pants as he fought foolishly to control it, even if he did Angel could still hear his heart beating erratically.

"You don't want out of this," Angel said with a smile.

"You don't even know what **_this_** is," Wesley countered.

"This," Angel said and brought his hand in between them and began massaging Wesley through his pants.

Wesley tipped his head back and bit off a moan. He regained his composure and pushed Angel away, Angel let him and took a step back. Wesley glared at him for a moment before storming into the bedroom and away from Angel.

"I know exactly what 'this' is Wes," Angel said and followed Wesley into the bedroom.

"You have no idea!"

"Lust, Wes, it's just lust." Wes glared at Angel willing himself not to strike him. "If it were anything more I would have lost my soul."

"In my memory," Wesley snarled, "we went to see a shaman who fixed that pesky part of your curse." Angel scoffed. "But, as you so eloquently put it, 'we've, uh, never, you know, um, did it'!" Wesley screamed at him.

"You could have just let this go Wes. You could have just given me some time to adjust to the new order of things and it would have been like 'old times' but **_no_**! That's not good enough for Wesley. He wants everything done his way on his schedule."

"Fuck you, Angel!"

Before Wesley knew what was happening he was flat on his back on the bed pinned underneath Angel.

"Fuck me, Wes?" Angel said softly. "I bet you've said that to me a lot, huh? '_Fuck me, Angel, please_'. You like it that way don't you?"

Wesley began squirming uselessly underneath Angel.

"What's the matter, Wes? I thought 'this' is what you wanted," Angel said and ground his hips against Wesley's.

"You're hurting me," Wesley whispered.

"Where Wes? Where does it hurt? Here?" Angel asked. He ran his finger across Wesley's neck in a slow mock cutting motion.

Wesley's skin burned under Angel's touch but he shivered involuntarily. Angel leaned down and licked the same path just as slowly.

"Angel?" Wesley whispered not disguising the tremor of terror in his voice.

Angel snapped out of his crazed trance and jumped off of the bed, then backed away until he hit the wall. Wesley sat up and looked over at Angel who looked down at the floor.

"Angel?" Wesley asked.

"I'm sorry," Angel said not looking up.

Wesley swung his legs over the side of the bed, rose from it, and walked swiftly over to where Angel stood. Angel flinched as Wesley raised his hand and placed it tentatively on his arm. When Angel looked up at him the pain and confusion in his eyes made Wesley pull him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Wes," Angel said again.

"It's alright," Wesley said for lack of something better. "I'll forget. I won't say anything ever again. I didn't tell anyone, I won't. I am happy here, Angel. I can wait for you to be happy here as well." Wesley paused and then added. "Or if you could be happy some place else I'll let you go, I won't hold you here."

Angel pulled away and looked Wesley in the eyes. 

"I should go," Angel said.

Wesley nodded and walked Angel to the door. Angel opened it and turned back to Wesley.

"Tomorrow," Angel said, "pizza and a movie night. Do you want me to bring the pizza or the movie?"

Wesley let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Pizza, you have terrible taste in movies," Wes said.

"But my taste in pizza is dead on," Angel said smugly.

"You're right," Wesley said, "I'd better get them both."

"I'll bring the pizza. Pepperoni, your favorite," Angel said seriously.

Wesley nodded and they both smiled awkwardly at each other. Then Angel leaned in and kissed Wesley eagerly on the lips before turning and leaving. Wesley shut the door, leaned back against it, sighed, and smiled.


End file.
